yelena all i’ve got is that i would’ve done worse or different, maybe like i even know what i’m capable of if it’s one of us, people have to look at us all
[ It's more than she has, someone who could and has killed exactly as some of the victims were killed. But he's only mirroring her own argument from earlier: they have to give it serious consideration. ]
[ he finds her there shortly, sweater and jacket both loose on his frame. for all he would defend her, he knows what she’s capable of — that she’ll hear the scuff of his shoes in the dirt and recognise his lazy gait. no need to speak up in greeting. a relief, when he doesn’t know what he’d say.
sorry i made things worse sorry i couldn’t protect you sorry i didn’t let you protect me
instead, he crouches beside her, looking out on the water. ]
[ Yelena is lethargically picking apart a loaf of bread when Bob enters earshot. He always runs hot, but it's mid-October and he isn't yet close enough to play human space heater. It's only in her imagination that his presence brings warmth. ]
Not all of them. [ She points to a gangling male duck aggressively chasing after a trio of females wanting nothing to do with him. ] But I'm calling that one Walker.
[ needlessly aggressive — protective, too. bob thinks he would have been right there with bucky, if he were here. that ava might have tripped their accusers. and alexei would be shouting down anyone who came for yelena.
he scoots closer. crosses his arms over his knees. ]
I shoulda told you before Stephen did. Sorry. [ it was — cowardly to make him do that, just like it was to swing between the extremes of guilt and a desperate need to be proven innocent. ] Don’t hate him for it.
[ Yelena leans to the side, bumping her shoulder against Bob's. ]
Don't apologize. It was his dumb idea. [ Even so, she sighs, deflated. ] I don't hate him. I get it. He can't be the super wizard saving the day this time and he wants to do something. But he should really stick to doctoring.
[ bob bumps back. he raps his knuckles against his knee. ignores the impulse to reach out. ]
He wants less people to die.
[ his final defence of stephen, voice still gentle. ]
I really don’t wanna lose you, Yelena. [ he brings a hand to his face, scrubbing over his jaw, lightly stubbled when he hasn’t bothered with his appearance much, as the games have worn on. ] Even just to those cages. After what happened to Saber, I don’t — you’re the reason I’m still here.
[ alive, when he should have died in the vault and the void. here, when he was almost expelled from the commune for his failure to find a master. ]
[ Yelena has the same impulse, then, to reach for him. She doesn't ignore it: her arm wraps around his back, hand settling atop his furthest shoulder and squeezing gently. ]
I'm not going anywhere. So maybe you have to lead me around town in handcuffs, that's not so bad. You had to endure more when you were a Tender.
[ And he did it without complaining, so she won't either, no matter what happens. They will still get through this together.
A knot forms in her throat as she tries to get the next part out. ]
They turned me into their weapon last month, and maybe again now. I don't know if it's me. But I will be fine even if they put me in a cage. At least I'll know they can't use me anymore.
[ as soon as she touches him, it’s game over. he leans into her, forehead tipping to her own. ]
You shouldn’t have to endure anything anymore, Yelena.
[ no matter what she’s done or how she’s been used. so what if he endured more or worse? it was just different, and it isn’t a scale to be balanced, besides. and there’s the matter of the beheadings, like some fucked up medieval times — ]
I know you don’t think so, but. You deserve better than all this.
[ For Yelena, it is a scale to balance, a debt to repay, a ledger she fears will remain uneven no matter how much she invests in the 'good' column. Bob is right: she doesn't believe him. But the longer she sits here with him, the less she feels she has to. It's enough for her, and more than she feels she has earned, that he believes it.
A smile pulls at the corner of her mouth when their foreheads meet. The arm she put around Bob's shoulders reaches up into his hair, her short fingernails gently scraping his scalp. ]
[ just this once. just for today, with his eyes flashing deepest blue so he can look at her — really look at her — before their noses brush. a final chance to pull away, a heartbeat of trepidation, then he kisses her soundly. his request echoes in the action. listen to what he’s saying and the fact that he’s here. that he’ll defend her with everything he has tonight, even if it makes no difference. even if it makes things worse. ]
And I’ll listen to you.
[ balance of another kind. you carry me, and i’ll carry you. maybe it’s enough for them to believe the best of each other, until they can see the truth for themselves. ]
[ Up close like this, with their noses touching, Yelena sees his hesitation in blurry double-vision. She makes a split-second resolution to close the gap if Bob loses his nerve but is delighted when he doesn't, already grinning when their lips meet. She can feel the intention behind it; the promise. Cast with a late afternoon glow against a score of persistent quacking, it makes for the perfect first kiss Yelena never expected to experience. ]
That's a deal. [ She lets them separate long enough to mark her agreement and no more, using the hand around his head to pull him back into the kiss immediately. Her other hand swings around his neck and she wedges herself between his knees, leaving hardly any space between them. Inevitably, relentlessly, later will come. But here and now, even knowing what lies in store can't ruin the moment. ]
[ maybe it’s the same as when he vaulted form the truck, or covered her in the attic — all instinct, no time to second guess. kissing her and being kissed by her until the line blurs. unprepared, still, for her to reel him back in the second he tips back. thinking he ought to ask if that was okay, and apologise for doing it right before she goes to cult jail.
only yelena’s too close to doubt or deny, filling the gap between his knees the same as the hole in his heart (the void she’d stepped into, dauntless, and found her reflection within). he has to rethink what to do with his hands, hovering aloft. confused. until they meet behind her back. a hold that starts hesitant, then firms. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2025-10-14 10:23 pm (UTC)all i’ve got is that i would’ve done worse
or different, maybe
like i even know what i’m capable of
if it’s one of us, people have to look at us all
i’m coming to find you
no subject
Date: 2025-10-14 10:54 pm (UTC)Ok
I'm at the pond feeding ducks
no subject
Date: 2025-10-14 11:36 pm (UTC)[ he finds her there shortly, sweater and jacket both loose on his frame. for all he would defend her, he knows what she’s capable of — that she’ll hear the scuff of his shoes in the dirt and recognise his lazy gait. no need to speak up in greeting. a relief, when he doesn’t know what he’d say.
sorry i made things worse
sorry i couldn’t protect you
sorry i didn’t let you protect me
instead, he crouches beside her, looking out on the water. ]
Do they have names?
no subject
Date: 2025-10-15 01:38 am (UTC)Not all of them. [ She points to a gangling male duck aggressively chasing after a trio of females wanting nothing to do with him. ] But I'm calling that one Walker.
no subject
Date: 2025-10-15 12:30 pm (UTC)Oh, yeah, that’s the right energy.
[ needlessly aggressive — protective, too. bob thinks he would have been right there with bucky, if he were here. that ava might have tripped their accusers. and alexei would be shouting down anyone who came for yelena.
he scoots closer. crosses his arms over his knees. ]
I shoulda told you before Stephen did. Sorry. [ it was — cowardly to make him do that, just like it was to swing between the extremes of guilt and a desperate need to be proven innocent. ] Don’t hate him for it.
no subject
Date: 2025-10-18 01:30 am (UTC)Don't apologize. It was his dumb idea. [ Even so, she sighs, deflated. ] I don't hate him. I get it. He can't be the super wizard saving the day this time and he wants to do something. But he should really stick to doctoring.
no subject
Date: 2025-10-18 10:28 pm (UTC)He wants less people to die.
[ his final defence of stephen, voice still gentle. ]
I really don’t wanna lose you, Yelena. [ he brings a hand to his face, scrubbing over his jaw, lightly stubbled when he hasn’t bothered with his appearance much, as the games have worn on. ] Even just to those cages. After what happened to Saber, I don’t — you’re the reason I’m still here.
[ alive, when he should have died in the vault and the void. here, when he was almost expelled from the commune for his failure to find a master. ]
no subject
Date: 2025-10-19 05:58 am (UTC)I'm not going anywhere. So maybe you have to lead me around town in handcuffs, that's not so bad. You had to endure more when you were a Tender.
[ And he did it without complaining, so she won't either, no matter what happens. They will still get through this together.
A knot forms in her throat as she tries to get the next part out. ]
They turned me into their weapon last month, and maybe again now. I don't know if it's me. But I will be fine even if they put me in a cage. At least I'll know they can't use me anymore.
no subject
Date: 2025-10-26 05:30 pm (UTC)You shouldn’t have to endure anything anymore, Yelena.
[ no matter what she’s done or how she’s been used. so what if he endured more or worse? it was just different, and it isn’t a scale to be balanced, besides. and there’s the matter of the beheadings, like some fucked up medieval times — ]
I know you don’t think so, but. You deserve better than all this.
no subject
Date: 2025-12-08 06:17 pm (UTC)A smile pulls at the corner of her mouth when their foreheads meet. The arm she put around Bob's shoulders reaches up into his hair, her short fingernails gently scraping his scalp. ]
I could say the same thing to you.
no subject
Date: 2025-12-08 06:33 pm (UTC)[ just this once. just for today, with his eyes flashing deepest blue so he can look at her — really look at her — before their noses brush. a final chance to pull away, a heartbeat of trepidation, then he kisses her soundly. his request echoes in the action. listen to what he’s saying and the fact that he’s here. that he’ll defend her with everything he has tonight, even if it makes no difference. even if it makes things worse. ]
And I’ll listen to you.
[ balance of another kind. you carry me, and i’ll carry you. maybe it’s enough for them to believe the best of each other, until they can see the truth for themselves. ]
no subject
Date: 2025-12-10 12:46 pm (UTC)That's a deal. [ She lets them separate long enough to mark her agreement and no more, using the hand around his head to pull him back into the kiss immediately. Her other hand swings around his neck and she wedges herself between his knees, leaving hardly any space between them. Inevitably, relentlessly, later will come. But here and now, even knowing what lies in store can't ruin the moment. ]
no subject
Date: 2025-12-10 08:39 pm (UTC)only yelena’s too close to doubt or deny, filling the gap between his knees the same as the hole in his heart (the void she’d stepped into, dauntless, and found her reflection within). he has to rethink what to do with his hands, hovering aloft. confused. until they meet behind her back. a hold that starts hesitant, then firms. ]
Pretty good deal.
[ murmured against her mouth, half-dazed. ]